By Becky MacDicken, Director, Financial Empowerment, National Disability Institute
It’s that time of year when stores are flooded with red and pink hearts, chocolates and greeting cards. The media turns to stories of Valentine’s Day and more people may want to explore online dating. While I do know people who’ve had success with online matchmaking, I know far more individuals who have been approached by scammers, myself included.
I was recently divorced and looking to dip my toe in the dating pool. I took a deep breath and signed up for an online dating app. A man, who seemed WAY out of my league, messaged me. At first the messages were long and full of excitement at all the things we had in common. He even said, “I think I’m falling in love.” Having taught about Identity Theft and Scam Prevention for years, I had my doubts, but was curious enough to keep the interaction going. I noticed the messages got shorter and the grammar got worse.
Then, I got a message that began, “You’re never going to believe this…Why is my life so hard? I wanted to come meet you!” I LITERALLY responded, “Don’t tell me your father in Nigeria is dying and you need money to get to him.” The response, “My father is sick, and I need to fly to Africa. I have no money. I’m sick with worry. I need $10,0000. Can you help?” Luckily, I knew better. I blocked that scammer and reported him to the dating app. Crisis averted…for me.
Romance scams cost consumers $1.3 BILLION in 2022, more than doubling the previous year’s average, according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). What IS a romance scam? It’s when a criminal uses a false identity online to build trust and affection. Using that trust, the victim is given the illusion of love and the scammer manipulates those feelings and steals their money.
Some of the warning signs of a romance scam are:
- Someone you meet online professes love in a very short period, including talk of marriage.
- That person has ALL the same interests as you, which they copied from your social media and your dating profile.
- They have always excuses for why they can’t meet in person.
- The messages start off very polished but quickly decline in grammar and spelling.
- The photo attached to their profile looks like that of a model versus an everyday photo.
- They move the conversation off the dating app to other messaging apps where the dating app can’t track their activity.
- They ask you for money.
According to the FTC, the top lies used by romance scammers include:
- Someone they know, or they themselves, are sick, hurt or in jail.
- This emergency will create the need to travel to far-off places.
- They offer to teach you how to invest.
- They are in the military or on an oil rig stationed far away.
- They need help with an important delivery.
You can prevent being a victim of a romance scam by following the one golden rule: NEVER give money to someone you don’t know. This scammer may make you feel like they know and love you, but if you’ve never met, do not send money, cryptocurrency, money orders, gift cards or give access to your banking and credit card information.
Also, if asked to pay someone by wiring money or through a payment app, that is another red flag. This applies to all scams! Sending money to win a prize or receive a package is also a scam.
Other tips to protect yourself:
- Take dating slowly. Ask a lot of questions and look for changes in answers.
- Be careful with what information you post about yourself online or when chatting. For example, telling someone where you go to school or work, could give them more information to manipulate you.
- Be cautious posting on public pages. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had some scammer comment on my comment and mention that they now want to be friends.
- See if your family or friends show concern about your new love interest. I know it’s hard when you really want to find a partner but listen to people that truly care about you.
- Do a reverse image search of the profile picture. You can Google “reverse image search” for directions. With scammers, details don’t match up.
- Don’t share intimate photos that could be used against you in the future.
- Even if you made the first contact within a dating site, don’t feel secure. Scammers are out there trying to lure everyone in.
If you are a victim of a romance scam, what should you do?
- Contact the FTC: ftc.gov
- Contact your financial institution if you gave out your banking or credit card information and place an alert or freeze on your account.
- Report the person to the dating app.
- Go to the police and file a report.
- Tell a trusted family member or friend if you need more assistance.
Please always be cautious and stay safe out there! And may Cupid’s arrow truly hit your heart, not your wallet.
For more information visit the FTC’s website at Romance scammers’ favorite lies exposed | Federal Trade Commission.
For information on additional Identity Theft resources, and ways to strengthen your financial resilience, visit the National Disability Institute (NDI) Financial Resilience Center.
